How to End the Year Without Overthinking: CBT Strategies for Calm Reflection

One thing I have learnt from running my therapy business over the last 6 years is that I can get distracted by day-to-day tasks, so much so that the end goal gets lost. This can also happen in my personal life being a business woman, wife, mum to two teen boys, daughter and friend. I feel like I could end up drifting through life at times, as if just going through the motions.

This year was my 50^th birthday so I took it as an opportunity to reconnect with things that bring me joy. Using CBT strategies, it helped me to reflect and reconnect with what I value.

I want to share these techniques with you today, to help you reconnect with what is important to you.

The end of a year can often become a time for reflection for many, bringing a sense of control and hope for new beginnings. What can often happen though is an element of overthinking, ruminating over past mistakes, setting unrealistic expectations and unachievable goals, followed by an opportunity for our inner critic to chip in and make you feel worse when you don’t reach those goals.

You may recognise these common thoughts:

• “I haven't achieved enough this year.”

• “I should be further ahead in my life.”

So why do it? Why take the time once a year to look back when it could make you feel worse?

Absolutely, why do it at all when you don’t achieve what you set out to do.

Reflection, planning and moving forward

Reflection and rumination

The key difference between these is in how you look back over your year. If you find yourself going over and over the same situations with a sense of regret, then that is a term called ‘rumination’. It’s a process of over thinking as an activity that is giving you something to do, but doesn’t actually solve anything, or result in action.

Some common thinking patterns in rumination are:

• All-or-nothing thinking: viewing the year as either a success or a failure.

• Mental filtering: focusing on what went wrong while overlooking what went well.

• ‘Should’ statements: believing you should have achieved more or handled situations differently.

• Discounting the positives: dismissing achievements because they don't feel significant enough.

Reflection differs in that you can learn from the past by acknowledging what worked and what didn’t, with a curious and non-judgemental approach. Based on your findings you can then make reasonable adjustments to your plans and try again.

How to reflect and find direction

Bringing some structure to the way you reflect can prevent it becoming an exercise in criticism or regret.

1)      Review your year without judgement

2)      Reframing how we interpret our experiences to a more balanced outlook can influence how we feel about them. 

·         Being clear about our values leads on to action and a sense of fulfilment. – see blog Reflect and Reset: Navigating the Journey of life.

·         Being realistic about our ability, the resources and help we need.

3)      Accepting what you cannot change and letting somethings go.

4)      Taking action one step at a time can feed a sense of success rather than failure.

New years eve’s often encourages reflection once a year. If the process of reflection were based on curiosity, values and without judgement that resulted in action, then my question to you is - why only do it once a year? Why not make it every few months, or once a month?

1. Reviewing without judgment – try this instead and book some ‘me time’ to check back with kindness.

Put aside 10-15 quiet minutes to answer these questions without trying to make your month or year look better or worse than it was. The aim isn't to force positivity or find a lesson in every difficult experience. It's to create a more balanced and realistic picture.

• What challenged me?

• Is there anything I keep criticising myself for that I can begin to view differently?

• What did I learn?

• What have I discovered about myself, my needs or my relationships?

• What am I proud of?

• What helped me cope?

• Who or what supported me? What strengths or strategies did I draw upon?

• What is within my control that I can change, what can I acknowledge and let go of?

2. Reframing unhelpful thoughts using CBT

Reframing isn't about pretending everything is fine and making it all positive. It's about creating a balanced alternative view. Is your initial perception acknowledging the bigger picture, or maintaining a biased negative view.

For example:

“I've wasted another year. I haven't achieved anything.”

Questions to explore

• What evidence supports this thought, and what evidence doesn't?

• Am I overlooking things I've managed or coped with?

• Would I judge a friend as harshly if they had experienced the same year?

A more balanced perspective

“This year hasn't gone entirely as I hoped, and there are things I'd like to change. But that doesn't mean I've wasted it. I've dealt with challenges and can decide what matters to me going forward.”

3. Accepting what you cannot change:

Acceptance doesn't mean approving of everything that happened. It does not focus on what is right or wrong, good or bad. Instead, it is acknowledging that ‘it is what it is’ so that energy can be directed towards the present moment and to what you value most. Acceptance allows you to reflect, learn and move on in valued direction.

4. Moving forward:

You don't have to finish the reflection with everything figured out, it's okay to have unanswered questions, unfinished goals and mixed feelings about the future.

What is important to you and what is within your control? Explore these questions for direction:

• What would I like more of in my life?

• What would I like to make more space for?

• What do I want to do differently, and why?

• What is one small, realistic step I could take?

• When can I put aside some time for me to reflect, connect with myself and my values, and plan my next steps?

I have learned through my work that regular reflection throughout the year helps build small and medium term goals that all feed into my long term values. Applying the CBT techniques has allowed me to relax and not stress or worry about the smallest things that I realise were distracting me and pulling me away from what I valued most.

Working with a therapist can help you identify unhelpful thinking patterns, manage over thinking, begin working towards what you value most, and develop a more balanced perspective.

If you are feeling trapped in worry, self-criticism or anxiety, or want to know more about how CBT could help then reach out for a free discovery call through my contact page.