How to set goals that don’t trigger stress and anxiety.

The new year often arrives with a mix of excitement and pressure. We tell ourselves it's time to change everything: become healthier, more productive, more disciplined, more “together.” But behind that motivation, many people experience a quieter companion—anxiety.

So why does goal-setting, something meant to encourage growth, end up feeling overwhelming?

It is down to how we speak to ourselves.

How perfectionism fuels anxiety in resolutions

Perfectionism convinces us that the only acceptable goal is an ideal one. That resolutions must be dramatic, transformative, and flawlessly executed from January 1st onward.

This all-or-nothing mindset can lead to:

• Unrealistic expectations (“I must go to the gym every day or it doesn’t count.”)

• Fear of failure (“If I don’t stick with this perfectly, I shouldn’t bother at all.”)

• Self-criticism (“Everyone else can do this—why can’t I?”)

  
  

Instead of motivating change, these pressures create avoidance, guilt, and a cycle of giving up early.

Resolutions often mirror fears rather than hopes. People worry they won’t measure up or that they’ll prove themselves “not good enough” if they fail.

When the goal becomes a test of worth, the pressure increases, and so does anxiety.

Using CBT to set goals

Here are some steps to try to set goals that won’t trigger overwhelming anxiety and pressure. CBT offers practical tools to interrupt perfectionistic thinking and build healthier, achievable habits.

1. Reframe the Thought

Instead of: “I need to completely change my life this year.”

Try: “Small, consistent efforts help me grow over time.”

Changing the thought reduces the emotional load.

2. Action or values? - Identify whether your goal is based on action, or based on what you value in terms of how you would like to behave more like.

Instead of: “I want to get fit so I must go to the gym every day.”

Try: ”I value my health, self-care and connection.”

Your actions will follow the things you value most.

The process is within your control—and far less anxiety-provoking.

3. Break big goals into small steps

The starting point for everyone will be different whether it’s the first time you have worked towards this goal, or whether you are building on progress from before.

A first step for a goal like “fitness”, for someone that hasn’t done it before could become:

• Walk 10 minutes three times a week

• Or do one home workout video on weekends

• Or simply a stretch before bed

  
  

Small steps reduce the threat level and increase the chance of success. You can gradually build on small steps and adjust more or less depending on your energy and what unexpected events life throws at you.

4. Challenge all-or-nothing thinking

Missing a day doesn’t mean starting over. It means continuing.Ask yourself:

• “What would I tell a friend in this situation?”

• “Is perfection truly required here?”

• “What’s a flexible middle ground?”

  
  

Often, self-compassion is the antidote to anxiety.

5. Celebrate progress, not perfection

Every step counts—even the messy ones. Recognising small wins reinforces motivation and builds confidence.

A New Year without pressure

Setting goals doesn’t have to feel like walking a tightrope, increasing feelings of stress and anxiety. It also doesn’t have to start in January, you can start any time you want. When you trade perfectionism for compassion and fear of failure for curiosity, resolutions transform into opportunities—not obligations.

This January, focus on goals that support your well-being instead of straining it.

You don’t need a new you—just a gentler mindset.

Istock Image GOAL by Katya Slavashevich