Tips for Managing stress with Compassion focused therapy
- Amy Langshaw
- Nov 1
- 4 min read
Stress is something we all experience but when it becomes constant, it can quietly take over how we think, feel, and behave. Work, relationships, finances, and everyday pressures can leave many adults feeling tense, exhausted, and disconnected from themselves.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) offers practical ways to understand and manage stress, while Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) adds something equally powerful - a kinder, more supportive relationship with yourself. It may sound a bit ‘woo woo’, and sceptics out there might roll their eyes, it might not be for everyone, but I encourage you to read on before dismissing it entirely.
Understanding Stress: What’s Actually Happening
Stress is the body’s natural response to challenge or threat. In short bursts, it helps us focus and take action. But when demands outweigh our resources for too long, when we are constantly “switched on”, the body and mind can start to struggle.
You might notice:
Difficulty relaxing or sleeping
Feeling irritable or overwhelmed
Racing thoughts or constant worry
Trouble concentrating
Physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, or fatigue
In CBT, we often look at the connection between thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. For example:
Thought: “I can’t handle this.”
Emotion: Anxiety, frustration.
Behaviour: Pushing harder or withdrawing completely.
These patterns can keep stress going. But what often keeps people stuck isn’t just the thoughts themselves — it’s how they relate to their thoughts and feelings.
Self-Kindness and rest: The ‘woo woo’ in Stress Management
Many of us are experts at self-criticism. We push ourselves to keep going, even when we’re exhausted, and then judge ourselves for not coping better
“I should be coping better.” or “Everyone else can handle this—why can’t I?”
These thoughts might seem motivating, but they actually fuel anxiety and keep the nervous system in threat mode and keeps the stress response activated.
Practising self-kindness doesn’t mean ignoring responsibilities—it means giving yourself permission to be human. It’s noticing when you’re struggling and responding with understanding instead of judgment.
Tip number 1 to managing stress with CFT:
Pause and acknowledge how you feel
Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
Offer the same tone of compassion you’d use with a close friend.
Kindness doesn’t make you “soft”—
it helps calm the nervous system
and makes genuine change possible.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) makes a real difference. CFT helps people, who are highly self-critical or prone to shame, develop a kinder, more understanding internal voice.
Compassion, in contrast, helps activate the soothing system in the brain — the part linked to feelings of safety, calm, and connection.
It’s not self-pity; it’s courage. It’s saying: “This is hard right now, and I’m doing my best.”
Tip number 2 to managing stress:
Pause and notice your stress response without judgment.
Place a hand on your chest or take a slow breath — physical reassurance helps the body feel safe.
Use a compassionate phrase, such as:
“It’s understandable that I’m struggling right now. I’m not alone in feeling this way.”
Small acts of kindness toward yourself can begin to calm the body and shift the tone of your inner dialogue.
Rethinking Self-Care
Self-care isn’t about achieving the perfect routine — it’s about attending to your needs with awareness and balance. In CBT and CFT, self-care is viewed as an ongoing practice of regulation and kindness, not another task to perform.
When self-care feels like a struggle, remind yourself that it’s a skill.
Like any skill, it improves with practice.
Some tips for self-care:
Rest: Give yourself permission to slow down. Rest isn’t earned—it’s essential.
Boundaries: Notice when you’re saying yes to things that drain you.
Connection: Reach out to people who help you feel grounded.
Pleasure: Make time for small activities that bring calm or joy.
Reflection: Check in with your thoughts—are they realistic and kind, or harsh and absolute?
Even tiny acts of care—stepping outside for five minutes, turning off your phone earlier, saying no to one unnecessary task—can reduce stress over time.
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CBT provides structure and strategy; CFT provides warmth and motivation. When you combine them:
CBT helps identify and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns.
CFT helps you do this without judgement or harshness.
Together, they build resilience — not just the ability to “push through,” but the ability to recover and feel safe again.
For example, rather than trying to eliminate stress entirely, therapy might help you respond to it differently:
“I’m noticing my stress thoughts —
and I can meet them with calm instead of criticism.”
Final thoughts on the 'woo woo' and science of stress management
Stress is part of being human — but chronic self-criticism doesn’t have to be. When you learn to respond with curiosity and compassion instead of judgment, your nervous system begins to trust that it’s safe to rest.
You don’t need to do it perfectly—you just need to start noticing, pausing, and choosing gentler responses. Over time, those moments of kindness become the foundation of resilience.
Give your mind and body the chance to recover and reset.
You deserve that care — not because you’ve earned it, but because you’re human.
First image by Tiny Tribes from Pixabay
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